Feeling mislead by lender, realtor, when buying a home with a VA loan while engaged (not married)

Hi Reddit,

My finance & long term partner of 6 years have been doing the long distance thing (3 hour drive) for the last 5 years. We decided to finally get a home together, but school district has been my primary concern. We are in Virginia.

My finance is a veteran and when we talked to a realtor, chosen because she is a friend of his, she discouraged him from seeking a loan from Navy Federal and instead recommended her preferred lender. We had asked the lender if we should get married before the home buying process, but he assured us that it wouldn’t matter, as my fiancé’s credit score is close to mine, and my fiancé could qualify for a decent VA loan on his own, and that I could just be added to the title of the house.
We are months into hunting, had a number of offers turned beaten, but also backed out of one potential purchase because the amount of work the house needed seemed too expensive to take on on top of a new mortgage/after draining our savings for closing costs.

Yesterday, after some frustrating exchanges with the realtor, I was double-checking online to verify that I can be put on the title, because the realtor and lender teat me as a persona non grata in this whole transaction, since I am not the one with the VA loan, and I was starting to worry I’d be putting money towards closing on house that I would not have any legal rights to. (I don’t think my partner will screw me over, but one of us could up and die of Covid or something. I’m just trying to be prudent.) That’s when I found out that you CAN’T ADD a non-married partner to your home title if you have a VA loan.

Without my name on a title/mortgage, I can’t register my son for school, and also… no rights to the house. This would completely defeat the purpose of getting the house- the whole point is being able to enroll my kid in a decent school down there, and not be downgrading him from the good school district he is already in.

I don’t even know what to do from here- we weren’t planning on getting married until January (to avoid paying back the ACA health insurance discounts I receive based on my current HOH tax status), but I would need to have my son enrolled in school this fall.

I guess we could go to the courthouse next week, re-qualify for the loan jointly, and then pick back up with house hunting, but I feel like we are losing valuable time. But I also don’t like that, given my current unmarried partner to the loan-recipient/home buyer, my concerns and needs don’t seem to be at all relevant to the lender or realtor- I feel like I am just seen as an obstacle to getting my fiancé to sign for a house, and a source of funds for closing fees to help get that house locked down and them (the realtor and lender) paid.

On top of it all it feels like the realtor keeps pushing houses at the top of our budget, and pushing us to ask well over the list price. On our last offer she was pushing us to sign up for a “cash up front” type lender to convert the VA loan to a cash offer, for a fee, where we could then rent the house from this lender until our own loan went through. This was only brought up last minute when we were ready to make an offer, under a time limit as they said the seller would be reviewing offers that day. It kind of felt like having a credit card aggressively pushed on us at the point of sale in a department store.

I’m just feeling like we should have gotten married, shopped around for mortgage rates, and not gone with a realtor who is known to my fiancé, as we don’t want to hurt that relationship but aren’t comfortable with the things being pushed for. I feel like, if it were a purely business transaction, it would be simpler to just say “no, we aren’t doing that” without worrying about being seen as rude.

Is it too late to fix this? I don’t want to give up on finally having a home together, but we are down to the wire and I feel like starting from scratch will take too long.

submitted by /u/fashionably_punctual
[link] [comments]

Hi Reddit, My finance & long term partner of 6 years have been doing the long distance thing (3 hour drive) for the last 5 years. We decided to finally get a home together, but school district has been my primary concern. We are in Virginia. My finance is a veteran and when we talked to a realtor, chosen because she is a friend of his, she discouraged him from seeking a loan from Navy Federal and instead recommended her preferred lender. We had asked the lender if we should get married before the home buying process, but he assured us that it wouldn’t matter, as my fiancé’s credit score is close to mine, and my fiancé could qualify for a decent VA loan on his own, and that I could just be added to the title of the house. We are months into hunting, had a number of offers turned beaten, but also backed out of one potential purchase because the amount of work the house needed seemed too expensive to take on on top of a new mortgage/after draining our savings for closing costs. Yesterday, after some frustrating exchanges with the realtor, I was double-checking online to verify that I can be put on the title, because the realtor and lender teat me as a persona non grata in this whole transaction, since I am not the one with the VA loan, and I was starting to worry I’d be putting money towards closing on house that I would not have any legal rights to. (I don’t think my partner will screw me over, but one of us could up and die of Covid or something. I’m just trying to be prudent.) That’s when I found out that you CAN’T ADD a non-married partner to your home title if you have a VA loan. Without my name on a title/mortgage, I can’t register my son for school, and also… no rights to the house. This would completely defeat the purpose of getting the house- the whole point is being able to enroll my kid in a decent school down there, and not be downgrading him from the good school district he is already in. I don’t even know what to do from here- we weren’t planning on getting married until January (to avoid paying back the ACA health insurance discounts I receive based on my current HOH tax status), but I would need to have my son enrolled in school this fall. I guess we could go to the courthouse next week, re-qualify for the loan jointly, and then pick back up with house hunting, but I feel like we are losing valuable time. But I also don’t like that, given my current unmarried partner to the loan-recipient/home buyer, my concerns and needs don’t seem to be at all relevant to the lender or realtor- I feel like I am just seen as an obstacle to getting my fiancé to sign for a house, and a source of funds for closing fees to help get that house locked down and them (the realtor and lender) paid. On top of it all it feels like the realtor keeps pushing houses at the top of our budget, and pushing us to ask well over the list price. On our last offer she was pushing us to sign up for a “cash up front” type lender to convert the VA loan to a cash offer, for a fee, where we could then rent the house from this lender until our own loan went through. This was only brought up last minute when we were ready to make an offer, under a time limit as they said the seller would be reviewing offers that day. It kind of felt like having a credit card aggressively pushed on us at the point of sale in a department store. I’m just feeling like we should have gotten married, shopped around for mortgage rates, and not gone with a realtor who is known to my fiancé, as we don’t want to hurt that relationship but aren’t comfortable with the things being pushed for. I feel like, if it were a purely business transaction, it would be simpler to just say “no, we aren’t doing that” without worrying about being seen as rude. Is it too late to fix this? I don’t want to give up on finally having a home together, but we are down to the wire and I feel like starting from scratch will take too long. submitted by /u/fashionably_punctual [link] [comments]

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